Hamlet From the film Red, Hot and Blue Written by Frank Loesser © 1949 Famous Music Corp. Released on Capitol 696 Recorded May 20, 1949 Orchestra conducted by Joe Lilley Running Time: 2 mins 53 secs Lyrics: This is the story of Hamlet William Shakespeare’s most notable play A magnificent, dignified work of art But for you, buster, I guess I oughta tell it this way: Hamlet was the prince of a spot called Denmark There never was such a frantic guy either before or since He was a dream boy And like a hole in the head Denmark needed that prince He bumped off his uncle and mickey finned his mother And he drove his girl to suicide and stabbed her big brother ‘Cause he didn’t want nobody else but himself should live He was what you might call uncooperative Hamlet had a lady friend named Ophelia She was a cool put-together chick that made men thrill But Hamlet, he thought, she was from uglyville He didn’t seem to get the message He chopped down her father just to teach the girl a lesson Yes, he cut him up in slices like a pound of delicatessen Murder was one thing Hamlet sure did enjoy, sure did enjoy He was what you might call quite the mischievous boy Ophelia, overcome with such grief and sorrow So went and flipped her lid, she popped her cork, she jumped the track And her intelligent mind developed a permanent crack Things went black Ophelia had a six-and-a-half foot brother He thought that Hamlet had been a trifle bit too impolite So in the third act he challenged him to a fight What a night It was dog eat dog eat dog in Denmark Yes, it was dog eat dog eat dog in Denmark The morale of the story is very plane You better get a muzzle if you’ve got a Great Dane And the name of this omelet is Hamlet