From the film Red, Hot and Blue
Written by Frank Loesser
© 1949 Famous Music Corp.

Released on Capitol 696
Recorded May 20, 1949
Orchestra conducted by Joe Lilley
Running Time: 2 mins 53 secs

This is the story of Hamlet
William Shakespeare’s most notable play
A magnificent, dignified work of art
But for you, buster, I guess I oughta tell it this way:

Hamlet was the prince of a spot called Denmark
There never was such a frantic guy either before or since
He was a dream boy
And like a hole in the head Denmark needed that prince
He bumped off his uncle and mickey finned his mother
And he drove his girl to suicide and stabbed her big brother
‘Cause he didn’t want nobody else but himself should live
He was what you might call uncooperative

Hamlet had a lady friend named Ophelia
She was a cool put-together chick that made men thrill
But Hamlet, he thought, she was from uglyville
He didn’t seem to get the message

He chopped down her father just to teach the girl a lesson
Yes, he cut him up in slices like a pound of delicatessen
Murder was one thing Hamlet sure did enjoy, sure did enjoy
He was what you might call quite the mischievous boy

Ophelia, overcome with such grief and sorrow
So went and flipped her lid, she popped her cork, she jumped the track
And her intelligent mind developed a permanent crack
Things went black

Ophelia had a six-and-a-half foot brother
He thought that Hamlet had been a trifle bit too impolite
So in the third act he challenged him to a fight
What a night

It was dog eat dog eat dog in Denmark
Yes, it was dog eat dog eat dog in Denmark
The morale of the story is very plane
You better get a muzzle if you’ve got a Great Dane
And the name of this omelet is Hamlet