(Doin' It) The Hard Way From the film Duffy's Tavern Written by Jimmy Van Heusen and Johnny Burke © 1945 Paramount Music Corp. Released on Capitol 211 Recorded April 7, 1945 Orchestra conducted by Paul Weston Running Time: 3 mins 12 secs Lyrics: At the early age of three It first occurred to me A girl should always try to improve herself While the others played with toys I practiced charm and poise And finished Dr. Eliot’s Five Foot Shelf I exercised each morning Cold-creamed my face each night Saw my dentist twice a year Curbed my appetite And so I modestly admit It didn’t help one single bit! Some girls can make any man dream By flashing an innocent gleam Me, I do a hiccup Curl my upper lip up Light a roman candle and scream I have to do it the hard way Some girls can wear any old rags And capture the wolves and the stags Me, I dress in sables Walk across the tables Waving three American flags I have to do it the hard way Let’s say there’s a dance They’re playing a waltz And I want romance That’s when I begin turning somersaults Some girls can keep men on their toes By smiling and throwing a rose Me, I wrack my noodle Whistle “Yankee Doodle” Balancing a broom on my nose Oh I’m a-telling you why I have to do it the hard way My freshman year in college I remember I was mild I wore pretty clothes, got an A in Geometry A normal child But nobody wanted to date me I'd sit at home and dream So in order to get attention I had to scream The fellas liked girls who wore perfurme So I bought Forbidden Flower But I had to mix it with ether To get them in my power I didn't want to go crazy But I ain't kidding, Jack Since that time I'm telling you I'm A raving, ranting, impetuous, panning, violent maniac The girls who read books and wear specs Get fellas with great intellects Me, I get fanatics Guys who live in attics Yes, I even pick up the checks I have to do it the hard way Suppose there’s a park A boy on a bench I’m out for a lark So I make him fall with a monkey wrench When someone like Hedy Lamarr Steps into the swankiest bar All the fellas get up Light her cigarette up Me, I’d have to smoke a cigar And then they’d call me a car Doctor, is there a chance for me? Can’t you cure this insanity? I’m tired of tearing up the town, being one of the sights Wearing funny hats trimmed in neon lights Why must I always be bettered and scarred? I’m doing everything the hard way